In the interests of science

It was a damp, cold morning in Hounslow and the clocks were striking eight when I presented myself at the UK Biobank offices ready to sign away my body medical records to science

Staircase to hell by Jano De Cesare

'Yes', said the bored security guard, 'they are expecting you' surreptitiously pressing a button under the counter.

I was the first to arrive and foolishly early, but the white-coated, young, pleasant but strangely unreal staff were unruffled, and before long I was meekly seated at a computer console answering intrusive personal questions about my medical history. Behind me a middle-aged woman was being mysteriously reassured, as to my left a sinister-looking young asian sat down at a console and pretended to be answering his own survey... while all the time keeping an close eye on me.
 
A door swung closed with a click. A window blind fell. Above me I could see an ATMOS CCTV camera, red light blinking, pointing directly at me.  It suddenly didn't seem right at all. What was really going on here? Who was watching me? I imagined a large room on an upper floor, a giant monitor, my face filling the screen.. before it a huddle of Daleks angrily commanding some hapless human, "YES! .. THAT ONE... THE BALD ONE WHO HAD THE TONSILLECTOMY IN 1969. BRING. HIM. TO. US! HE MUST. BE. EXTERMINATED!'

"Mr Botogol?", I leapt out of my chair,

"Please come this way, Alibert... would you like a biscuit?".   At least, I figured, at least I'd die with a chocolate hobnob in my mouth..

Dragon's Den

picture by dro!d

I like Dragon's Den.

My reason is: it's the only programme in the entire BBC ouvre that looks positively at the business of making money.

And don't give me The Apprentice: that whole programme is edited with the purpose of making today's world of business seem entirely cut-throat and nasty¹

A man is never so innocently engaged as in the pursuit of money (Dr Johnson)

¹No, it's not. Not entirely.

Jadegate

I wish I had a pound for everyone I have heard saying 'I haven't watched Big Brother, but... here's my firmly held opinion about Jade Goody.

Gordon Brown put himself in that camp when he appealed to the country to 'vote for Shilpa' (A vote for Shilpa of course meant a vote to throw her out. He was blissfully unaware)

But 50,000 complaints is impressive by any standards - but I'd love to know what the complainers actually thought Channel4 should have been done. Three possibilities spring to mind:

They should have

1) expelled Jade from the house in order to punish her / rescue Shilpa

2) gone into the house and told Jade to behave

3) edited out all the offending footage and pretend it didn't happen


None of these options is very attractive and its no wonder C4 dithered.

But I have a disappointing feeling that most people probably had in mind (3). Certainly I think that's what most broadcasters woud have done - and it would have been appropriately Orwellian I suppose.. Still a cheer and a half to C4 for not taking that option at least. (Subtracting ten cheers if turns out that they in any way at all egged Jade on)

Here is the only piece I have read about Jadegate that that takes an original line and made me reconsider my stance:

http://eureferendum2.blogspot.com/2007/01/this-is-state-were-in.html

[I wish I had read it before the heated conversation we had at a dinner party on Saturday)

Extras - what Gervais is really doing

The second series of the hyper-clever, self-referential Extras finished last week. It's a comedy series for Hofstadter fans, with enticing self-referential layers deposited weekly - here's a good discussion of what went on.

But if the series is as clever as that, why the increasing use of childish dirty jokes (viz the not-really-very funny masturbation scenes in Episode 6?) Why is Gervais sometimes like the four-year-old shouting 'bum' for comic effect?

Here's why... Gervais is having a laugh at us (Having a laugh? Is he having ... etc etc)

How's that? Well, one of the exquisite pleasures of Extras is marvelling at the things he persuades the celeb guests to do... the 'How on earth did he get him to say that??' moments, as guest stars are carried along by the tsunami of Gervais's own celebrity into portaying themselves as racist, or sex mad or just plain unpleasant.

Well, guess what? Gervais is doing the same with us, the audience (..and also the critics!).
Watch the last episode again, but this time have in mind the thought 'How on earth did he get me to laugh at that?'

Feel a bit silly now?